party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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