I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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