like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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