There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
