Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
