Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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