NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
