Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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