she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
