Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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