y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
