Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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