so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
