Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
