the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
