I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
