I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
