If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize