if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
