woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
