just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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