On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
