just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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