are you still at the devil's house?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
