Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
