dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
