highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
