Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i dont even know how to be here
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
