You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
