Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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