So drunk its hurt
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
