Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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