Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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