i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
