Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
