he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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