this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
