I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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