yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
