he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
