There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
