I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
