Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
