I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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