My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
