i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
