You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
