you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
