you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
