he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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