Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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