i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
