It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
