Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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