would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
