I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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