You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How's work?
Spinning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
