I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
