I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
