i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
