I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
