i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ugly people sure do ruin things
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
