I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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