we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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