this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
