Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
