I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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