i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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