where am i from again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
