I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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