took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
