Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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