You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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