what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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