Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize