I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Send help, water and tortillas.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
