How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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