i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
