So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
