Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
